Our latest challenge has come in the form of our 5 year old. Many five year olds can be challenging, but this is not necessarily because of his stubborn behavior, but more because they have found a cyst on the right side of his brain. We do not know what type of cyst it is, we are waiting. Waiting, waiting, and more waiting, for appointments, all the while tension and anxiety builds. I try very hard to not have any worries about it, I try to put it all in God's hands. BUT I am a mother, and as many know, mothers carry the worries, pains, and frustrations of their children with them every where they go, every minute of their life. They will go through fires and beat people to save their children, they will give their last breath just so that their children breath one more. It is just who we are. So now, my husband and I are faced with more uncertainty than anything. Sure we could Google ourselves into a panic attack, but we have chosen not to do that. We have found that there are no answers on the Internet for what has happened or what will happen, nope that is out of our hands and into the hands of God.
I wonder how many more tests or challenges we have ahead, or I have. I would gladly take them all for my children and my husband. I would bear their crosses without self pity because they would be happy. That's part of mother hood right? Martyrdom comes so easily for us who would lay down our lives for our loved ones. I ask for the faith and strength to continue smiling when people tell you how sorry they are, when really I want to scream at them asking why are they sorry? There has not been a death sentenced given out, there has just been an "incidental finding". A finding I place 100% in God's plan, because if I would have not taken him to the Dr that day then who knows how things would have worked up. The day prior to the Dr's appointment I kept saying he needed an X-ray, I was going to demand it if they did not take one. I do not put that up to chance or coincidence, nope it was the Holy Spirit with us.
Even though we have are facing this test of faith again, I know we will come through okay. I know we will be stronger in the end than we are now. We just have to find the faith to withstand all that comes our way, much like Job.
May God bless you until you are here again. Peace be with you.
